My Father's Pen
My father's pen writes fascinating stories
And poems, and haiku, and allegories
And tales of woe, and mysteries
And Proustian prose, and histories
And musings on the meaning of life
And love letters to his now third wife
One children's book with a funny ending
And one on yoga with stretching and bending
And another all about health and nutrition
And even a book on psychic intuition
And three that dealt with room decor
And one huge tome on American folklore
And once he dabbled in science fiction
And he published a pamphlet on proper diction.
He wrote the lyrics to a rock 'n' roll song.
His book on China was 1000 pages long.
He wrote a letter to the editor of The New York Times
About how the police handled certain crimes.
As a restaurant critic, he mixed his metaphors
And ended up with purloined petits fours.
Blonde Like Me
Not intending to deceive
But merely hide my gray
I bleached my hair from brown to blonde
On one cold winter's day
Though I never lacked attention
I soon discovered that
As a blonde I turned more heads
And often felt stared at
Smiles and favor came my way
More so than before
You don't know what you're missing
'til you become a Clairol® whore
Why do we capitalize "I"?
It makes no sense to me.
I took a survey of my friends,
And me, myself, and I agree.
It's not because it's a one-letter word,
As "a" remains lower case.
It's not because of first-person status,
Since "me" and "myself"' occupy that same space.
So why do we capitalize "I"?
How important can "I" be?
Since you're an "I" and I'm a "you",
It makes no sense to "me."
Oh, how I like to blame others
That I may remain exalted
It's important to be right
As those around me are faulted
God Loves Me
That coffee has no calories is proof that God loves me
The lure of chocolate remains His worst joke
On the other hand, laughing burns fat
And I can buy egg whites without the yoke
Without You It's Like
Peanut butter without jelly
Stars with no moon
The button without the belly
A piano out of tune
The boullia without the baisse
The poet without the rhyme
Perry Mason without a case
Or the chef who's out of thyme
Rhyme Over Reason
Head over heels
Blades over wheels
Fair over fear
Joy over tear
Red over blossom
Pink over 'possum
Fork over spoon
Man over moon
Lemon over lime
Date over time
Mind over matter
Words over chatter
Mom over Pop
Scotch over hop
Deal over cards
Fence over yards
Iron over steel
Prayer over meal
Bottom over top
Block over chop
Dark over light
Land over flight
Belly over belt
Heart over felt
Bank over river
Arrow over quiver
Rhyme over reason
Time over season
Hand over fist
Love over tryst
I love the unexpected rhyme
That comes when I commit the crime
Of spilling-over to the next
Spaced stanza's line of text
And continue the on-going thought
Instead of ending where I ought